All Emotions

9-11-07
Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel numb, outside of myself. I feel all emotions, but the intensity is dulled. I hear what people say to me, but I don’t. I think I understand and then I’m confused. I have to hear it over and over again. So many people tell me I’m handling it so well. That what I’m doing to spread the word is brave and honorable. I don’t feel brave, I don’t feel well. I am glad that I have had many responses from people telling me that they will warn their children. I’m glad that maybe they won’t have to endure the horrible suffering of the loss of a child. But, still, it doesn’t help – I know that Zach would have made a difference and would have helped the world be a better place. Now he’s gone. There are so many things to say still. I miss listening to him talk about everything. I don’t think my life will ever get better. I have to try, though, because Brenna needs a mom who is there for her. I have to stop now, I’m crying too hard to type.